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Coff Coff I hate physics!

There's a light in the world
that nobody sees,
anyone but me
and that's the light I control.

There's an hour in the day
that everyone dismiss, 
but it must exist, because
that's where I live.

And every once in a life
it comes a sun
and this, although it burns,
it swallows me whole

For in ashes I need to become
so the realm,
as powerty as it is,
can get to find its peace

But my return is a gift,
for I come to feed you all,
with what you most need,
and you can only find it through eternity.

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
clarionj
Nov. 25th, 2012 05:12 pm (UTC)
When this begins, I'm imagining a speaker who lives in her own world within the larger world. Others don't see what/who she is. And then I relate the sun that comes swallowing her as a big thing in our lives that pulls us out a while, makes us involved, yet also swallows. In the next stanza, I start to feel something bigger than a regular person finding her place. It has a feeling of Jesus dying for others to it, and providing eternity.

There's a lot going on here. I see some places where the grammar can be fixed a little, but I don't want to alter grammar in your poems without knowing exactly what you want each line to mean!
theravensister
Nov. 28th, 2012 01:59 am (UTC)
I was actually troubled with the grammar too, there were things that I wanted to say but somehow they don't fit with that big difference between spanish and english, and even when I write thinking in english I still have a spanish mind :D

I'm actually surprised that you said "she", I never thought about a gender very much, but of a big entity, something with power and this... sense of importance. I'm glad that you said she it gives "it" a different angle, more deepness, because now it is a she.

Oh, we females are powerful.

Wait a moment...

How do you stand my babble?? LOL

Maybe it's because I'm a female, that makes me instantly charm I think! :)
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )